


Dear John

by Lothiriel84



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Relationships, F/F, F/M, Love Letters, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:04:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothiriel84/pseuds/Lothiriel84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love letters, of sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear John

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from. I just needed to write something silly, that's all.  
> Read at your own risk.

Dear Patrick,   
It’s been a while since the last time I’ve heard from you. I’ve been missing you more with every passing day, life means nothing to me without the thrill of our little game of cat and mouse.   
Please write back soon.  
Love, John.

 

_Dear John,  
You should be more careful with your letters, Teresa might get suspicious. She’s a possessive woman, and I’d rather not go through another scene on her part.  
My feelings for you aren’t going to change anytime soon.  
Forever yours, Patrick_

 

Dear Patrick,  
I’ve been up all night thinking of you and that woman. I have a feeling you’re not being entirely honest with me; she means something to you, I can see it in your eyes every time you look at her.  
How can you do this to me after everything I’ve done for you?  
Yours in pain, John

 

_Dear John,  
If I’m not mistaken, you’re the one who sent me here with the purpose of winning Teresa Lisbon’s affections. No amount of paper frogs or hot fudge sundaes will ever change the fact that I belong to you, just as much as you belong to me.  
Yours truly, Patrick_

 

Dear Patrick,   
I’m sending you a little gift, I hope you’re going to appreciate it.   
I love you more than I can say.  
John

 

_Dear John,  
I thoroughly enjoyed your gift. Lorelei is really good in bed, you taught her well.  
Can’t wait to see you again.  
Patrick_

 

Dear Patrick,  
Last night was amazing, we should definitely do it again.  
Looking forward to hearing from you.  
John.

 

_Dear John,  
What about we invite little Teresa to our next encounter? I bet she could spice things up a bit.  
Please let me know.  
Patrick_

 

Dear Patrick,   
I hate having to break the news upon you, but I guess that’s the least I owe to you after our decade-long affair. Teresa and I are on our way to Mexico, and have no intention of coming back anytime soon.  
In my defense I’ll say it’s your fault, you should have thought better than bringing such an intriguing woman into my life. It was love at first sight, for the both of us.  
If you wish to get along with our little hobby, I guess that Lorelei will be more than happy to help you with it. After all, she always liked you better than she did with me.  
This is goodbye.  
John

 

_Dear John,  
Did Teresa tell you about the night she seduced me up in the attic? Or that little ‘incident’ in the janitor’s closet?  
She’s a heartless woman, mind you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when she grows tired of you, and dumps you exactly like you’ve done with me.  
At least I still have Lorelei, who seems all too anxious to give me whatever solace I need.  
Farewell, Patrick_

 

Dear Patrick,  
I have to admit you were right. Teresa has disappeared upon me, I’ve no idea where she is now.  
Will you ever forgive me?  
John

 

_Dear John,  
I think I have a very precise idea as to where Teresa is right now. Lorelei told me everything last night, right before she ran away with her longtime lover.  
They’ve been trying to fool us the whole time; looks like they’ve succeeded after all.  
What about we meet at our usual spot at half past nine? A cup of tea would be the perfect thing.  
Love, Patrick_


End file.
